At least, my medical team doesn't seem to think so. I spent all day yesterday in and out of appointments with a urologist and getting diagnostic imaging, so apologies for motivating you a day late.
A couple weeks ago I noticed a little lump about the size of a pea (side note: I hate peas) on the right side of my groin. It has increased in size and discomfort every day since noticing it, and is now roughly the size of a cherry tomato.
I'm a little freaked out, but like anything potentially negative that happens in life, taking a step back and a moment to breathe can help gain a better perspective and adopt a better attitude to address whatever problems exist.
I've been caught up with life lately, and so much of it has been amazing. From surpassing 4000 books sold and killing it with home/yard projects, to confirming some exciting speaking engagements and just enjoying the magic of a Texas summer. Bike days. Boat days. Best friends. New friends. It's been a great stretch.
So when this new friend below the waste started to affect my focus, ability to exercise, and sleep, the first thought that popped into my mind was "Dammit, and things were going so well..." Then I caught up with an old friend.
I first met Mike McKim back in 2015. Mike is the founder of the incomparable Cuvée Coffee and an incredible husband, father, veteran, entrepreneur, athlete, and just all around great guy. I was working for LIVESTRONG in east Austin and his flagship café was just up the road off E. 6th street. I'd often grab a cold brew and a taco there before work, and hosted all manner of meetings at the shop during and long after my time at the foundation, including quick chats with the boss himself.
Since then, Mike, his wife Rashelle, and the Cuvée community have supported nearly every fundraising and athletic endeavor I've pursued. In recent years, I've relied on his business acumen and general wisdom to help me launch my own company, and we've grown closer the more we've gotten to know each other.
So when I learned of his son Connor's sudden passing after a fatal car wreck coming home for the holidays last November, I had no words of comfort to share with the McKims.
1st Lt. Connor McKim, USMC
We know that no one lives forever. Life is precious, even more so when we get to spend it with people we love. I had the privilege of meeting Connor a few times, along with his younger brother, Cole, and both boys were just a treat to know.
Connor had followed through with the McKim legacy of serving his nation as a 1st Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps, and had attended flight school not long before he left this physical world.
I have beared witness to friends losing children before and I still cannot fathom the pain it brings. Death on it's own is a discomforting notion; knowing our time is limited is not lost on me, but I can't seem to figure out why we don't talk about it more. Or better yet, why we focus on so many things that take value away from the time we're alive.
When I expressed to Mike my frustrations with the world today - whether it's political divisiveness, social turmoil, relentless religious conflicts, collective obsession with our online personas rather than who we are in everyday life - he said something that struck me. "People only know their own worst."
He meant that no matter how difficult something may seem, we can't know how others feel unless we've endured a comparable experience. I still catch myself sometimes worrying about trivial bullshit that has no real impact on my life, even with my adopted ideology of Finding Good.
"The grief journey is riddled with challenges, twists and turns, emotions you've probably never experienced in your life before," said Mike in the introduction to his newest creation: The BPOS Podcast.
BPOS is short for B-positive, Connor's blood type and Mike's mindful mantra as he navigates his own grief journey. We were catching up over lunch when he introduced the "knowing your worst" concept. I get frustrated when I see people treating each other poorly, or when rich "thought leaders" spout out platitudes like "stop wasting time and just live your dreams" or when "fitfluencers" try to shame innocent gym goers because they passed in front of your camera in a public place because you're a "content creator." If they knew how precious life was, they wouldn't be acting that way... right?
People only know their own worst. It sucks not knowing what is happening with the mass in my groin right now, but I can tell you that it's definitely not (yet, at least) the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And I realize that any of those people we talked about, that I've admittedly prejudged and judged time and again, they may have a different worst than me.
I'm supposed to have results from my ultrasound later today (Tuesday, June 25) and will meet with the doctor after to discuss next steps. But whether it's another cancer journey ahead of me or just an annoying abscess that needs to be drained, I am going to B-Positive.
I'm also not going to wait anymore. Connor's passing, and Mike's journey of figuring out how to pay homage to his memory, is just another reminder to seize life while we are here to live it. And I'm thrilled to share that he will be a guest on the new Finding Good Podcast that launches later this summer.
Be positively selfish. Surround yourself with good people. Leave the world better than you found it. Those are the three identified tenets of my Finding Good framework. Mike McKim applies them perfectly.
It seems like an easy concept to understand. Self-awareness can have many definitions, but a generally accepted explanation of being self-aware is understanding how your thoughts, feelings, and actions relate to your cognitive, physical, and emotional behaviors.
Self-awareness is one of the key components of the first tenet of Finding Good. When we take time to see ourselves more clearly, we become more confident. More creative. But there are two types of self-awareness: internal and external. The former is part of your avowed identity - how we view ourselves. The latter is formed by your "ascribed" identity - or how others view us.
Sometimes, these two identities can conflict with one another. While your internal values, passions, and desires are clear, you may be exuding different messages to keep up with your social group or because you fear others may not understand you. When your ascribed identity and avowed identity are at odds, it creates internal turmoil that manifests externally.
So, take an inventory of what means the most to you - in your personal life, your love life, career, hobbies, passions, values, all of it. Then decide who you want to share that with. Eventually, your avowed identity and ascribed identity will be aligned and life at that point, my friends, is golden.
That concludes our third installment of Mondays with Mike. If you missed the first two you can read them here and here. As always, don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions, want to learn more about communication theory, are in need of some added inspiration, or just want to grab tacos and catch up.
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